“Don’t get me wrong, we wouldn’t want anyone to be hasty,” said Treebeard, an old and respected woodland entity who was ancient when the world was young. “It’s just, you know, we’ve had fourteen entmoots in the period since the targets were announced, and yet no one else seems to be taking this thing seriously. It’s bloody lazy, is what it is!”
Treebeard - also known by the online moniker Fangorn1stAge66 - has been trying to raise awareness and prompt governments into action, but so far with little success.
“Hurumph! We must not rush into things!” responded prime minister Theresa May. “I have called a grand gathering of my ministers - a Parlimoot - and once we have spent the first fifteen or sixteen weeks saying hello and grumbling at one another, I’m quite sure we will make some real progress!”
Other ents have resorted to more extreme direct action out of frustration with how slow governments have been to tackle climate change.
“I admit it might seem unconventional,” Said Quickbeam, who was convicted along with several other young ents of illegally erecting makeshift wind farms on the border with Isengard. “But what else can we do? Fires burn there day and night. You might not be able to smelt iron with wind energy, but at least those poor orcs can be kept nice and toasty, bless them, without having to use those nasty axes of theirs.”
“This is all being blown out of proportion,” announced a inter-governmental coalition of senior ministers during a G9 conference being held currently in Mordor. “Our dark overlord has given us complete assurances that climate change is nothing really to be worrying about. In fact, it’s fake news cooked up by a tricksy alliance of men and elves. What we should be doing is getting on with the important things in life, like eating 8000 calories a day, and really honing in on the perfect format for Saturday-night reality television.”
Following this announcement, Treebeard has confirmed it is all too much to take, and he will be spending the remaining days of the impending apocalypse getting smashed on Ent-draught, and singing bawdy songs about tree-girls.