“Need to address fake news coming out of Oldtown,” tweeted the President. “So-called ‘experts’ in the Citadel need to get their facts straight.”
The POTUS is due to arrive at King’s Landing on Tuesday, where he will stay as the honoured guest of Queen Cersei Lannister for three days of planned discussions about how to strengthen ties between the United States and the Iron Throne. He will also partake in the traditional Westorosi activities of hunting, praying to the seven-faced god, and brutally exploiting the common folk. In exchange, the president is expected to teach the Queen about some of his favoured activities, including use of social medial, public relations, and brutally exploiting the common folk.
The president is to be accompanied by senior aides, and sources close to the administration suggest that key diplomatic objectives will include trade negotiations, cultural exchange, and learning how to make 700ft magical ice walls.
The president has indicated his position that the army of animated corpses led by the Night King is not a man- (or children of the forest-) made phenomena, but in fact simply represents the ebb and flow of long-standing natural cycles. Mr Trump has gone on to confirm that he will happily sell oil to House Lannister, but that no one should expect this to stave off the winter that isn’t here, because the waste products of fossil fuels definitely don’t do that sort of thing, anyway.
On his return to America on Friday, President Trump is due to address a rally of climate-change deniers in the giant floating stadium where New York used to be, unless he contracts greyscale, or is killed by the Mountain after inappropriately groping the Queen, an event which some are calling likely if not inevitable.